The Early Days of a Better Nation

Friday, June 25, 2004

A New Martian?

Cheryl Morgan has forwarded this curious email:
Dear Ken,

Apologies for hijacking one of your friends' email accounts, but as you can probably guess it is not wise for me to reveal my location to the authorities right now.

Anyway, to the point: outsourcing. Please tell Jon not to worry about the Indian thing. I am on the point of securing a lucrative deal with a call centre based on Mars. Their rates are very competitive and initial tests have shown that they have adequate bandwidth. There is a small problem with time delay, but their staff cleverly cover that by claiming to be thinking hard about calls.

As you have probably guessed, their employees are not human. I am still in the process of determining whether or not they are organic. One clue is that they claim to have no transgendered employees, which they say gives them a big advantage over the Indians when going after lucrative US contracts. Personally I don't give a fuck, and I doubt that the average Evangelical Christian has a clue what hijra means anyway, but I suspect that Jon may be concerned that the Indians are exploiting a cultural minority that has difficulty obtaining work in traditional companies.

One small problem. The company gives its name as Freedom Hound Ltd. I smell a rat. Or rather a dog. If you or Jon still have moles inside GCHQ a few quiet enquiries concerning bizarre explanations for lost exploratory hardware would be appreciated.

Yours profitably,

Dave Reid
I should make clear that references to 'moles' are entirely a product of my friend's vivid imagination.


Post a Comment