The Early Days of a Better Nation

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Revenge of the nerds

It's cold comfort, but the London bombings could have been much worse. With exactly the same resources, far more people could have been killed and more lasting structural damage done. The opportunity of a Madrid-scale massacre was dissipated in a headline-grabbing bid for 'Al-Qaeda attacks across London'. The lesson is that the war against jihadist terrorism is being won. Respect is owed to the emergency services, to the people of London, and to unknown spooks and cops; solidarity and support to the victims; and to the perpetrators of the atrocity, contempt. We spit on their manifestos, their deluded boasts, their claims to be Muslims, and their pathetic inadequacies.

Imagine creationist electrical engineers taking up abortion-clinic bombing. That's the level of people we're dealing with here. The Sekrit Jihad Organization of Al Qaeda in Europe most likely consists of speccy, spotty nerds whose sole reading is the Koran and computer manuals, whose only chance of getting laid is an arranged marriage, and who don't even allow themselves a wank to ease their zits. In a better life they would have found science-fiction fandom.

One area where the self-professed followers of the Carpenter have shown some superiority over those who abuse the name of the Prophet is in the creativity of their terrorism. Christian terrorists have invented or perfected the car bomb, the no-warning bomb, the false warning bomb, the secondary bomb, the proxy bomb, the VCR-timer bomb, the dump-truck bomb, the fertiliser bomb, the litter-bin bomb, and the on-camera hacksaw beheading. Even the airliner hijack was invented by (presumably Papist) Cubans. The world record for suicide bombing was until quite recently held by the Tamil Tigers, who are godless communists raised as Episcopalians. In terms of bang-for-a-buck and political effectiveness, the Christian fascist terrorist McVeigh accomplished more at OKC than Osama achieved at the World Trade Centre.

Osama, who fancies himself the Che Guevara of the counter-revolution, must be turning in his cave at the incompetence of his European admirers. Admittedly, the haiku elegance of fly airliners into skyscrapers was a hard act to follow, but, you know, come on. We're talking London here - multicultural melting pot, global capitalist centre, imperialist metropolis, Babylon incarnate - the ultimate target-rich soft target.

And they blow up the fucking Tube?

They can go to hell.


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