The Early Days of a Better Nation

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Ursine defecatory habits indicate arboreal locational preference, studies show

The Pope's recent shock announcement of his continuing Catholicism has brought a rare confluence of condemnation from otherwise divided denominations.

'It is, frankly, a little disappointing that His Holiness should hark back to such a twentieth-century view,' said Bishop Stella Artois, leading Anglican theologian. 'The Church of England has always regarded itself as holy, apostolic and catholic. It just draws the line at papistry.'

'We're well aware that the Pope doesn't regard us as a church,' said the Rev. Jack Black, Moderator of the Presbyterian Reformed Church of the United Kingdom (Continuing). 'And we're more than willing to return the compliment. According to Reformed tradition, the so-called Church of Rome is a synagogue of Satan, the Whore of Babylon, the Scarlet Woman that sitteth on the seven hills; furthermore, the Papacy is Antichrist and the Pope is the son of perdition. We say this sorrowfully, in the spirit of charity.'

Brother Theodosius, of the Orthodox monastery on Athos, was marginally more temperate. 'Rome is indeed a church, but unfortunately that doesn't get Catholics off the hook. They're going straight to hell, along with Jews, apostates, Muslims, Freemasons, homosexuals, fornicators, adulterers and Protestants.'



What's terrible is that this squib isn't too far off-base and speaks to the nature of religion and how right recent authors who've condemned the entire idea of faith as damaging, divisive and evil really were.

I had too much Benedictine once, and went all hypostatic.

That reminds me of the (in)famous old joke with the punchline "Have you ever tried shouting f*** the Moderator of the Presbyterian Reformed Church of the United Kingdom (Continuing)?"

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