The Early Days of a Better Nation

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Best Amazon review thread evah

Start your own arms race with yummy yellowcake! Be sure to click on 'see all reviews'. (Via.) Even more disturbing than mail-order uranium ore, customers who bought this item also bought: novels by John Scalzi and Charles Stross; Forbidden Lego: Build the Models Your Parents Warned You Against!; and The Art of Computer Programming, Vol 4 by Donald E. Knuth.

Do have to draw you a picture, people?

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Dear Lazyweb,

I've built a home-made centrifuge as an em, science experiment, and the lego keeps falling to pieces at 10,000 rpm. Even the superglue doesn't help.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to make extra-strong lego containers ?

A.N. Onymous

Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz is another with great reviews, including the unforgettable:

"Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts 'N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
'Bad condensor, that,' I muttered, 'vibrating the icebox door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Not to sound like a complainer, but, in an inept half-gainer,
I provoked my bowl to tip and spill its contents on the floor.
Stupefied, I came to muddle over that increasing puddle,
Burgeoning deluge of that which I at present do adore -
Snowy Tuscan wholesomeness exclusively produced offshore -
Purg'ed here for evermore.

And the pool so white and silky, filled me with a sense of milky
Ardor of the type fantastic of a loss not known before,
So that now, to still the throbbing of my heart, while gently sobbing,
I retreated, heading straightway for the tempting icebox door -
Heedless of that pitter-patter tapping at the icebox door -
I resolved to have some more. "

(Continues at : )

And apart from those, there are many, many more products to make you go "um, what?"

...and I've just one-click-bought a UFO detector ( and a Wedding Chapel ( 21 thousand bucks.

What am I thinking of? That's the danger of one-click... it's so easy to forget reality. I mean, I'm already married, and the UFO is right overhead. I can see the light from here. Ooh, pretty...

It's still the Scalzi and Stross readers building armies of radioactive Lego robots that I'm worried about. Of course if they were Meaney readers as well, the radioactive Lego robots would be competent in the martial arts ...

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